As much
as people like to geek out about the ancient Greeks, to faun, er, fawn over
their architecture and government, or to satyrize (so to speak) their
mythology, how much would we truly approve of an ancient Greek marriage and the
roles and rules it gives to men and women? I mean, if the Illiad was your only
view of how the Greeks treat women, you’d probably get yourself a shotgun so
you could shoot any crazy person in bronze armor who might come to cart off
your mother, sisters, daughters, and/or self (if female) as sex slaves, and a bazooka
in case the shotgun wasn’t enough to do the job. Listening to Achilles and
Agamemnon argue about who gets to rape one of the women they’ve captured is
enough to make just about anyone sound like a feminist in comparison. Are these
seriously the people we’ve idolized as being so incredibly civilized? About
five hundred plus years of history say yes, so I suppose the ancient Greeks are
worth a second look, despite the bad first impression. Let’s see how their
views stack up against a truly civilized view of marriage, such as “The Family:
A Proclamation to the World.”
Well to
start with, the Proclamation says that “gender is an essential characteristic
of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.” Considering
how the different genders seem to act and be treated in the myths, I guess it’s
safe to say the Greeks figured out that men and women are different. I’m
probably going to argue with them about the specifics of those differences and
how they affect gender roles and such, but at least they got the general idea.
Next, it
says “We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and
replenish the earth remains in force.” The ancient Greeks seem to be onboard
with this idea. Thucydides quotes Pericles as saying “you who are still of an
age to beget children must bear up in the hope of having others (272),”
suggesting that the Greeks felt it was the duty of women to have children. Of
course, the reasoning behind this differs from the Proclamation to the Greeks.
The Proclamation says “the family is ordained of God” and “marriage between man
and woman is essential to His eternal plan,” suggesting that the need to have
children stems from the importance of having a family. Pericles claims children
are important as “a reinforcement and a security (272)” to “the state (272),”
suggesting that the main reason to have kids is so the Greeks have people for
their army/to build up their city.
The
Proclamation says “the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only
between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.” If the previous
example of Achilles and Agamemnon arguing over who gets to rape Briseis is any
indication, the Greeks didn’t fully get this concept, at least when it applied
to the men. Women, on the other hand, were supposed to stay virtuous and
faithful. Whereas men could get away with sleeping with women they weren’t married
to, women were severely punished for choosing to sleep with men they weren’t
married to (except for when they slept with gods/goddesses, in which case apparently
both genders got a free pass). The Odyssey has lines like “Women can’t be
trusted anymore (345),” “I’ll list for you all the women in the house, those
who dishonor you (by sleeping with the suitors) and those who are true (418),”
and “bring those women who have acted so disgracefully…(and) slash them with
swords until they have forgotten their secret love-making with the suitors. Then
finish them off (451).” Quite the double-standard the Greeks had.
The Proclamation
also says “parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and
righteousness.” The Illiad actually has a good example of this (amazingly
enough) in the characters of Hector and Andromache. Hector “kissed his dear son…and
said a prayer to Zeus…’grant that this my son become as I am…and may men say he
is far better than his father (80).” From the way Hector kisses and prays for
his son and the way Andromache begs Hector to stay alive for the sake of their
son shows that both of them love and care for their children. At least the
ancient Greeks got that right.
The Greeks
also got right that “fathers are to…provide…protection for their families.” There’s
a reason that Athena tells Telemachus “you need Odysseus back (248)” to deal
with the suitors and defend his house. The Greeks agree with the Proclamation that
men should defend their family.
Lastly,
the Proclamation says that “in these sacred responsibilities, fathers and
mothers are to help one another as equal partners.” This one is a bit more
questionable for the ancient Greeks since, as mentioned, there is a double
standard on sexuality, and yet they also believe that parents should love their
children. In the Odyssey, the Phaeacian princess tells Odysseus “pass (my
father) by and throw your arms around my mother’s knees, if you want to see
your homeland soon (293),” suggesting that her mother can sway her father to
doing what she wants. And yet, though Oedipus says “I respect you, my wife (35),”
he repeatedly refuses to listen to her, and she says subserviently that “I
would do nothing but that it is your wish (40).” It appears that for the Greeks
as for others different family dynamics exist, some in which the marriages are
more equal and some in which one spouse is submissive to the other. This
equality and the need to care for the children are probably the two most
important aspects of marriage, and yet it is unclear how the ancient Greeks
felt about it. That lack of clarity is in itself troubling, since something so
important should be clear if the Greeks expected everyone to follow it.
As far as
the Proclamation goes, the Greeks didn’t do as poorly as one might expect,
considering the aspects of Greek myths many tend to emphasize. Still, they clearly
were off-base in some of their morals, such as the double standard for sexuality.
Other areas they did fairly well in, such as in loving your kids and men defending
their family. Some areas, we just don’t know, such as whether the Greeks
understood the need for husbands and wives to view each other and treat each
other as equals. The whole practice of capturing women in war as sex-slaves probably
doesn’t help with that last one. I guess it’s good that the ancient Greeks are
all dead, because I don’t have a shotgun handy.
P.S. The reference numbers are the page numbers used in “The
Essential Homer,” “The Portable Greek Historians,” and “Oedipus Rex” (the
Prestwick House Literary Touchstone Classics edition), in case you feel like
checking the quotes out.
